Poly PC

Things are better. I don’t know what happened. But there has been a shift. Mostly in my thinking, I guess. And I’ve been “downgrading” my partner in my head. By that I mean I haven’t contacted him much and have waited for him to contact me. I have just accepted the fact that our relationship is changing, I guess.

Something I’ve been thinking about is how little we talk about polyamory being hard. Actually, we talk about it a lot, but it’s when we’re out of the moment of being frustrated or angry or jealous. We talk about it like we’re disconnected from it. It happened yesterday, so it’s not as frustrating anymore right now, and I can talk about it in hindsight. And we laugh about it and we express our frustrations, but in a very detached way. We don’t say, “I’m having a hard time and this polyamory stuff sucks for me right now and I want to crawl in a hole and die.” Instead, we say, “I was feeling this and that and thinking this and that, and here’s what I did and ha ha, it’s over now, moving on.”

We talk about polyamory in such a positive light, all the time, and we should, because it’s a great thing and for many of us has really opened our lives to better things. More lovers, more love, an abundance of relationships. But we don’t always hear the ugly stories, especially while they’re happening. I feel like hearing more of those would actually help some of us to feel more understood. Someone is going through this, too, it’s not just me. 

It seems to me that there is some sort of poly PC going on. Poly political correctness. And I don’t know if it should always be that way.

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3 thoughts on “Poly PC

  1. I feel like I’m pretty real about the negatives of Polyamory, lol, but I would love to see a little more of that from others and not feel as alone. I have a hard time identifying with people who feel “compersion” for example. I’m so not there yet.

    • Yes, and I think compersion is a word used almost unfairly. It’s this ideal for people to strive for, and it’s a nice ideal, but what if you never get there? Do you fail at being poly? If you ask someone about poly, especially if you’re an outsider, they talk about compersion like it’s so easy and attainable. And that it’s the most important thing for poly people to strive for. And they don’t talk about the work and frustration and issues you go through to get there. It’s always talked about in a very positive light, and I know it is a positive phenomenon, but getting there is not simple. Yet it’s talked about and described in a way that is too happy and shiny. Instead of someone just saying, “Well, now I have compersion for my husband and his partner, and I enjoy seeing my husband happy,” I’d like to hear that PLUS all the things that person had to do to get there!

  2. Pingback: Good things come in 3′s…. | lifeofalovergirl

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